But wait a bit. I've been blogging.
Calm down, calm down. It's not as if I am typing with a broken armchair.
Blog break. Things didn't work out that way. I've still found something to blog about every month. Hell, I know for a fact that I'll be blogging tomorrow. This is my second blog post today.
I have to arrange supper. Talk amongst yourselves while I brew up a coffee.
Had to use that archive shot. A picture of black coffee in a black mug on a black desk wouldn't really convey the subtle flavours at play.
Non-emergency. I wondered why the kitchen was so effing hot. I left the oven on. Nothing inside it. Just invented an expensive method of heating the kitchen.
I've really lost the thread of this post. You'd think needles would lose thread, and not posts. Now the coffee is behind me. I even detoured into a video on YouTube, all about the preparation of Turkish coffee.
What did I learn? The Turkish word for breakfast means before coffee. I must cease the blog and leave for Turkey immediately.
Ah, yes. YouTube. Which brings me back to...
Imagine leaving the
What the hell was that?! Some strange tiny white thing just pinged off my face. A weird fly or...I don't know. Spontaneous non-cold micro-hailstone.
But I'm going with the idea of a tiny albino fly.
Imagine leaving the oven on for GASP hours. What a toasty kitchen. Where the hell was I? Not in the kitchen, obviously, as I left it behind to swelter in its own inferno.
Back to YouTube.
Here's Melissa C. Water, holding up a copy of her book. Click the photo for a link to her channel.
I always duck to avoid bullets whenever people say nice things about me on the internet. Or, indeed, off the internet. I try to explain that I am a Silent Movie Villain of the worst kind.
Can't pass a railway without the urge to foreclose on an old lady's mortgage and tie her daughter to the tracks. Is that just me?
Just me, then.
But no. People don't believe me. I stand accused of good deeds and right-doing and swearing a lot. Yes, okay, there's a lot of effing swearing. Just dredge through this blog or my stories.
Hell, hang out in my kitchen as I discover the aberrant source of heat. Oven warms room in shocking plot-twist.
I've been on a long road tonight. As I type, I am publishing a book. But that's for tomorrow's blog post, not today's.
This blog is about discovering someone being nice to me by linking to my blog in a video on the YouTube. I deny it all. My top hat, cane, gladstone bag, twirly moustache, and cape all attest to my wicked fire-raising ways.
Well, not fire-raising. I reached the oven in time.
One thing I can deny. I had no part in Melissa's book - for that's the paperback version she waves about. Well, it is harder to show the Kindle version on a video. But I have seen that done.
To me, it's strange to see all those pages. I hyperlinked her diary entries for some strange magical mystical electronic creature that has no pages.
We worked on the Kindle version. Her memoir about self-harm, and her time in the psychiatric ward, is a thin volume the depth of a Kindle reading device.
Whatever that device is. And the book went onto Kindle without much fanfare. Melissa has no advertising budget, but the e-book cracked the top ten in the medical memoir sub-category that her readers found her in.
Again, it just feels strange to see her heft that mighty paperback in her video. The Kindle version has some advantages. Here's one. If you want to read about her struggle, but don't want people to know what you are reading, the Kindle is its own hiding-place.
You don't need a Kindle to read an e-book. The Kindle app is available for all sorts of electronic devices. And you can password-protect it, to stop prying eyes catching sight of your reading-list.
So, yes, the Kindle version of Melissa's memoir comes with its own camouflage, if you, as a reader, want to talk to friends or family about your problems...but you don't feel ready yet.
And also if you don't want people finding that paperback hidden, rather unoriginally, under your bed. Not just yet.
Of course, yes, it's good to talk and to share. And you should. But explosive confrontation as a result of melodramatic discovery of a self-harm-themed memoir...well, that's avoidable.
Leave explosive confrontation and melodramatic discovery to the Silent Movie Villains of the World. (We have a Secret Society. And, naturally, we let the world know that we have a secret society. Mwa-ha-ha.)
There are always going to be people out there who want a hefty paperback in their hands. (And rarer fiends like me, who must have shelves crammed with hardback doorstops.)
Melissa turned a corner with the fresh publication of her books. She's off to Montreal, planning a support group for people with Tourette's, and, it goes without saying but say it anyway, more videos to help people on the YouTube.
Hmmm. The electronic dictionary doesn't like Tourette's. Now the dictionary is trying to get me to accept courgettes. I had ratatouille once. Preferred the movie.
By that, I mean cartoon. And by that, I mean animated feature. Now I am going to have coffee. And by that, I mean perfection in a cup.
You'll find Lady Injury on Amazon. I'll find coffee in the kitchen. And with that, adieu. By that, I mean my coffee is long over-adieu and a long long while before breakfast. And that's before coffee.
No, I didn't get much sleep last night. I was up late working on a book. But that's a story about another story, for another time. Tomorrow, after coffee.
Images of Melissa used by kind persimmons. Copyright Melissa C. Water, 2015.