Erotic books. You know. The ones featuring baby seals. Don't stop reading - I will explain.
Seeing a writer change - and, by that, I mean improve via deathly means. Hang in there. I'll talk about not talking about self-harm shortly.
Urination. No, I am not taking the piss.
What's the connection, and why mention self-harm?
I don't care about this blog's statistics. The first time the stats were hijacked by spammers, viewing figures lost all meaning. They didn't have much meaning before.
Occasionally, I'll check in. Understand what's happening, in the world of stats. I can see that someone reached my blog from another blog. Provided no obvious spammer is involved, that means something.
In the past week, people visited this blog by travelling from all sorts of places. I recognised one blog link from a writer who'd followed me on the Twitter.
What made someone jump from his blog to mine? Then I remembered I'd gone to that blog myself, and placed a comment on a piece.
The comment nearer the start of the year made someone curious about me last week. That mysterious person clicked a link leading right to my digital door.
This post is about blog-traffic. People type phrases into the machine, and a signpost points in my direction.
I write fiction. So the word BOOKS appears in my blog. I've written the phrase BABY SEAL in a blog post. A mention of the word EROTIC shows you where this conversation is heading.
Now I am not here to judge anyone who goes hunting for an erotic photography book with seals as the subject-matter. My post was about bludgeoning a baby seal to death on the ice - a symbol. No actual seals died in the making of this or any other blog post.
Some people search for urine-based text. I don't know why. But I'll remind writers that landscape description should avoid the phrase golden showers of sunlight, lest the scene be misinterpreted.
I've not used that phrase in my own fiction. Traffic that came here looking for urine was part of a larger search. The item was added to another term featured on my blog, creating an unholy association for Google to deal with.
A writer changed by deathly means? This was an improvement. I wrote an OBITUARY for Missy Biozarre. She was eaten by zombies, but she's doing fine. Better than before, in fact. Hi, Missy.
The woman who told me to blog, Karen Woodward, is also doing well. Hi, Karen.
Recent traffic showed a search for KAREN WOODWARD OBITUARY. I didn't think Karen had died. This was a traffic search that coincidentally combined a name with a term.
Missy Biozarre's obituary merged with mention of Karen Woodward, flagging my blog to someone hunting for another Karen Woodward entry.
I checked for Karen Woodward's obituary anyway, just in case. Of those available down the decades, the latest was several years old - indicating the author is still with us.
And so, we come to the topic of self-harm fiction. In this case, from the traffic, I saw a search for that - linked to DOCTOR WHO. My blog contains a self-harm trigger warning for the free sample of Mira E.
That alien invasion story starts with two self-harmers in post-Watergate America, having a conversation just before uncanny activity warps reality.
So. Yes. I've written self-harm into fiction. That's not quite the same thing as self-harm fiction. That, I don't write.
There's a free DOCTOR WHO novel on this blog. Once again, a search term gathered different strands of my writing and linked them to lead someone here.
If you want to scour for information on self-harm, on countering it, dealing with it, that's good. Regularly, people come to this blog after typing SUICIDE.
HERE'S A BLOG POST ABOUT THAT.
I don't know why folk come here after typing SUICIDE and clicking on the link to my blog. And I don't know why someone would come here looking for self-harm fiction.
People could visit the SUICIDE blog post for many reasons. Maybe these people lost someone, and they want to find out more or understand something.
Anyway, I must be thoroughly evil now and say...
If you came here looking for posts about suicide or self-harming, go to YouTube and check out Melissa C. Water. She is a mental health activist on YouTube. Hi, Melissa.
MELISSA C. WATER.
Maybe you came here looking for help. Help was given, in the form of a link.
If you came here hunting for hints and tips on self-harm, I can give you one handy piece of advice: seek help. It's not what you want to hear? Hey, you clicked on my blog. We're strangers. I gave you the best advice you'll get. Seek help.
Thank me later.
I can offer no advice to those with an interest in erotic seal photography. Google is your friend.