RLLauthor@outlook.com and @RLL_author GO TO AMAZON KINDLE STORE AND TYPE RLL. YOU WILL FIND MY BOOKS.

Saturday 26 July 2014

READ TUESDAY, 20 QUESTIONS FOR JOYCE HERTZOFF: A REPORT FROM A FUGITIVE.

As READ TUESDAY accidentally came early this year, thanks to some accidental blog posts, I've resurrected the TWENTY QUESTIONS for a writer who washed up on the shores of my blog.

Here's Joyce Hertzoff, with a few answers.

Twenty Questions.

1. Fire rages in your house. Everyone is safe, but you. You decide to smash through the window, shielding your face with a book. What is the book?

My Webster's Dictionary. It's heavy and not easily damaged. Besides, everything else is available online.

2. Asleep in your rebuilt house, you dream of meeting a dead author. But not in a creepy stalkerish way, so you shoo Mr Poe out of the kitchen. Instead, you sit down and have cake with which dead author?

Dorothy L. Sayers. Although I love writing fantasy, I love reading mysteries.

3. Would you name six essential items for writers? If, you know, cornered and threatened with torture.

An imagination, quick wits, huge vocabulary, a thesaurus so you can avoid repetition, computer with software, and a sense of humor.

4. Who’d win in a fight between Count Dracula and Frankenstein’s monster? If, you know, you were writing that scene.

Dracula, because he's smarter and more resourceful. If we include Dr Frankenstein, it would be a different story.

5. It’s the end of a long and tiring day. You are still writing a scene. Do you see it through to the end, even though matchsticks prop your eyelids open, or do you sleep on it and return, refreshed, to slay that literary dragon another day?

I write whatever pops into my head, knowing I can come back and rewrite if necessary in the morning. Besides, some of my best scenes were written when my brain wasn't functioning at full capacity.

6. You must introduce a plot-twist. Evil twin or luggage mix-up?

If those are the only choices, I'd say evil twin. So much more potential.

7. Let’s say you write a bunch of books featuring an amazing recurring villain. At the end of your latest story you have definitely absolutely positively killed off the villain for all time and then some. Did you pepper your narrative with clues hinting at the chance of a villainous return in the next book?

More likely the villain's assistant would turn out to be the mastermind of all the villain's most dastardly plots, and would finally come out of the shadows.

8. You are at sea in a lifeboat, with the barest chance of surviving the raging storm. There’s one opportunity to save a character, drifting by this scene. Do you save the idealistic hero or the tragic villain?

Idealistic heroes can make for a boring story, unless they have a hidden dark side. They could probably save themselves. The tragic villain can be so much more fun to play with, so I'd save him.

9. It’s time to kill a much-loved character – that pesky plot intrudes. Do you just type it up, heartlessly, or are there any strange rituals to be performed before the deed is done?

I've rarely killed off much-loved characters, but when I do, I prepare their friends and families in some way, usually giving them some substitute person to transfer their affection to.

10. Embarrassing typo time. I’m always typing thongs instead of things. One day, that’ll land me in trouble. Care to share any wildly embarrassing typing anecdotes? If, you know, the wrong word suddenly made something so much funnier. (My last crime against typing lay in omitting the u from Superman.)

I type things instead of thinks and vice versa. Not very embarrassing. In fact, I can't think of any typos that led to embarrassment.

11. I’ve fallen out of my chair laughing at all sorts of thongs I’ve typed. Have you?

Occasionally one of my characters will do or say something I hadn't intended that makes me laugh like that. But offhand I can't thing think of one.

12. You take a classic literary work and update it by throwing in rocket ships. Dare you name that story? Pride and Prejudice on Mars. That kind of thing.

I've written fanfiction, so I do something like that all the time to some extent, although they're rarely literary classics. I did write a take on Miracle on 34th Street that took place in a modern hospital and was called Miracle on the 3rd and 4th Floors.

13. Seen the movie. Read the book. And your preference was for?

Usually the book is more detailed, although occasionally something's added in the movie that makes it more enjoyable.

14. Occupational hazard of being a writer. Has a book ever fallen on your head? This may occasionally happen to non-writers, it must be said.

My books are double and triple shelved. More often one will fall on my feet than my head.

15. Did you ever read a series of books out of sequence?

No. I'm totally OCD about reading in sequence.

16. You encounter a story just as you are writing the same type of tale. Do you abandon your work, or keep going with the other one to ensure there won’t be endless similarities?

It's happened, but I assume my slant will be different so I continue with my own.

17. Have you ever stumbled across a Much-Loved Children’s Classic™ that you’ve never heard of?

Totally. My daughter runs a yearly fanfic exchange for kid's books and many titles are new to me. This year the list includes: The Flora Segunda series by Isabeau S. Wilce and A Posse of Princesses by Sherwood Smith among others.

18. You build a secret passage into your story. Where?

From a throne room to a dungeon.

19. Facing the prospect of writing erotica, you decide on a racy pen-name. And that would be…

Fanny Pack.

20. On a train a fan praises your work, mistaking you for another author. What happens next?

I thank her for the other author and say I'll pass on the compliment.





My author facebook is https:facebook.com/joyce.hertzoff.3.

My book website is: www.fantasybyjoycehertzoff.com.


My blog is hertzoffjo.blogspot.com.



Sunday 20 July 2014

YOUR AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE: A REPORT FROM A FUGITIVE:

Once you publish on Amazon...
   Publish more than once on Amazon.
   Once you publish, your opus having trundled through the four-to-five-hour cycle, lo, True Believer, you'll gain access to a magical cave.
   This is your author page on Amazon. Better to say, a collection of pages. For there are several territories involved. We'll wade to all that.
   But first, I'll mention the carousel.
   Amazon's carousel widget houses at least six items. The gadget takes up to ten products. You should be able to see it on this blog. Just look to the right.
   Maybe you can't see it. Here's a screenshot...



   I check my blog posts one last time - that's after publication. Yes, I check one last time before. Then again. I checked the blog post above, and noticed...

   Okay, I play music when I am working. If I am working on the internet, I'll hit YouTube and select a string of videos. A movie soundtrack, say.
   The annoying thing? Adverts. I like to hear a soundtrack unfold without ads intervening. Call me traditional. The ad blocker just wasn't working.
   Maybe the blocker worked over on Google Chrome. Did I have Google Chrome installed on this computer? Yes. Did I use it, or Regular Flavour Google?
   I used Regular. Until I was on my Amazon bookshelf, arranging the publication of more material. And the online previewer was in severe need of Google Chrome.
   So I converted to Chrome. I'll have to throw in the ad blocker. See if that sorts out YouTube.
   Was YouTube Chrome-plated? Yes. All was right with the world.
   I can preview my work online inside the Amazon bookshelf, and I can listen to a movie soundtrack while I do that. All without the intervention of adverts.
   Great. Except. I come here and check my blog. Can't see the carousel. It shows up on Regular Google. Not with Chrome. And so...
   I added a link on my dedicated pages, inviting readers to click through to a free story about Amish ice cream. That link is for those who can't see my Amazon carousel.
   What a saga.
   (Update from Eclectic Ed. Blocking software erases the blog sign-up box. If you can't see the carousel, you won't see the sign-up box. To see both, temporarily disable your blocker software for this site. That may lead to a side-effect of seeing parts of the blog vibrate. Yes, that's REALLY annoying.)
   Anyway, the free story of Amish ice cream features on my Amazon author page. And I thought I'd talk about that.


*

I was distracted by Amazon's changes to the arcane process of publishing books. Amazon warns me of this sort of strangeness in cunning e-mail messages I feel obliged to read.
   Obviously, I don't open the requests from Sani Abacha's widows.


*

What should you put on your author page? Jam? Messy. I went with ice cream. Messier. Now that's more like it. The author page had a minimum word-count back in the day. Not sure if that's still the case. I have my suspicions that it is handy to write something for the author page. Just sayin'.
   When I checked to see what the maximum was, I discovered there was no bar to wordiness. So I told my story of Amish ice cream.
   You can dish out straight facts about yourself on the author page, but are you telling me much about your writing style?
   Will you have to update your biography with the on-again-off-again hijinks of a Liz Taylor/Richard Burton splicing?
   This author is currently married/divorced/detached from reality. In hiding from general taxation. Write an author bio that doesn't need much by way of updating. Why?
   As I type, which is not to say that in the future the situation will change for the better, Amazon forces authors to throw out the same author page in different territories.
   Linguistically, this is understandable. But it's annoying that I am forced to put the details on Amazon.usa, Amazon.narnia, Amazon.regular, and Amazon.menthol.
   More so, if I must update every page.


*

Once you have that author page, you'll find your books on it. BUT. You still have to add the books officially. Then they really will be on your author page.
   Strange, I know. Just a quirk of Amazon's. Sign in. Select your books. Check to see that they are yours and not some other poor bastard's. Tick the check-boxes. Fly, be free!


*
   
No, of course I don't have advice on how to run your Amazon author page. Do what you have to do. Depending on the gadgets available, and your tolerance for them, you can throw a Twitter feed on the author page...same goes for a blog feed.
   People see all the swearing I do on Twitter, right there on my author page. Do I fucking care about that? Of course I fucking care about that. Swearing's fucking important.


*

This blog post was really about adding a link to my books, running from my blog to the point of purchase on Amazon. And that, for those who can't see the Amazon carousel.


*

Images of Melissa C. Water are copyright 2014, and appear here by kind persimmons.



Sunday 13 July 2014

READ TUESDAY, CHRISTMAS IN JULY: A REPORT FROM A FUGITIVE.

















Once again I was tidying the blog and accidentally published a wanted poster from last year. So I'll talk about that.


*

Last year saw the first READ TUESDAY event. A sale day in December, for books. It's an opporchancity to promote reading and writing. This is not solely about selling books.
   I chipped in and made wanted posters for a bunch of people featured on this blog. Twice, now, I've accidentally re-blogged posters.
   This set me thinking. READ TUESDAY is a Christmassy event. Here I am, mistakenly blogging aftershocks or ghost images or whatever the hell you want to call them.
   It's Christmas in July.
   And this is the time to sit down and have a think about what happens, come December. Will I do the same sort of things again, with the same sort of people?
   I don't think so. If everyone ends up on a wanted poster, we'll all turn each other in for the chocolate cake reward. But then...what is there to do, when promoting reading and writing? This is a blog. It isn't 3D, scratch-and-sniff, or Sensurround™.
   Hell, why not?
   So. Writers. For December 2014, I'll provide links to audio clips of your books. Here's a link to one of mine, to start the snowball trundling.
   A FANTASTIC PIECE OF STORYTELLING.
   Make a recording. Put it up on SoundCloud. I'll feature the link in November/December for READ TUESDAY.
   Let's get people talking about writing.


*

Why do this now? I blogged wanted posters by accident. It's Christmas, in July. Which means you have the time, right now, to work out how to make a recording. And you have the time, right now, to figure out how to join SoundCloud and place your recording there.
   You won't have time in December, come December. READ TUESDAY participants must be active in November doing something other than NaNoWriMo, as December skates in.
   Being active in November means being active before November. During, oh, say, Christmas in July.


*

Chris McMullen is the evil genius founder of READ TUESDAY.

   

Saturday 5 July 2014

EDITING MELISSA C. WATER'S LADY INJURY: A REPORT FROM A FUGITIVE.

How goes the editing in METRO-LAND? And is there honey still for tea?

*

Files fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
   I really have to quit these poetic references. Betjeman strolled through METRO-LAND. Rupert Brooke asked after honey.
   Yeats is yer maaan, on questions of falconry. Though I've quoted loosely from his poem, and dropped my own word in for reasons of the plot.
   Cynically, I think of honey as fossilised bee-spit.
   On with what's left of the show...

*

Dealing with non-fiction is a bit like going through customs with a gold brick in your suitcase. You have to shift over to the other mode of thinking.
   Nothing to declare?
   Something to declare?
   Oh, shit, that's right. I have something to declare. This is fact-based stuff, and must be handled as such. No Zombie Apocalypse in this scene. Or in any of the scenes.

*

Talk of poets sprang up as I attempted this blog post, but that was no coincidental hijacking of thought's train.
   No derailment here.
   I built a system for dealing with editing non-fiction. Melissa C. Water's memoir, Lady Injury, is free and clear of the old contract. Time to edit what will become the second edition.
   What am I editing? Melissa's journal entries covering her time in hospital. Self-harm. Eating troubles. Strapped to a hospital bed for her own safety. Sexual abuse, the root-cause of so many problems in her life.
   Not pleasant reading.

*

How do we tackle that? With a sense of humour. The work is edited across far-flung time-zones, using the inconvenience of the internet.
   Files transfer with great ease. Occasionally, files fall apart. We resort to scribbling notes on toilet-paper. Wax crayons aren't great for a high-maintenance level of operational detail, but, hey, use what's handy.
   Melissa disappears off-grid with grim regularity. Spasms, convulsions, falling down, neurology visits and overnight hospital stays, all carry her away from our work.
   Even a transatlantic business-call, via Skype, to clear up some publishing matters, carries risk.
   Her panic alarm may be inaccessible. I discuss this with her. If we go over editing in a Skype call and she falls silent after a thump, I am meant to wait for the sound of rescuers stomping through the Canadian undergrowth.
   She doesn't live in the wilderness. If there's no rescue, I send in a team of superheroes. Something like that.

*

How did I start editing her tale? By formatting the work. Taking the text away from a vanity publisher, I was aware that the typesetting had to go. Legal issue. The company offered Melissa the use of the formatting for a fee, once she was free of their clutches.
   I seem to be having difficulty with the word contract.
   After formatting the text to new specifications, I looked over the whole book and arranged a skeleton file full of hyperlinks - this would evolve into the Kindle book.
   I created a Table of Contents for months of the year. Each month linked through to a sub-table listing all the daily entries. Two months had loads of diary segments, so I split those in two. One month had no entries at all.
   This I draw to your attention as the vanity publisher included one hyperlink in Melissa's first edition - can you guess where that link led?
   To the company, of course.

*

I took longer on this than was strictly required. Melissa wanted to add a poem, so I sorted that out for her. She was concerned. What was happening over there in Darkest Scotlandia?
   One e-mail later and she thanked me for the formatting on the poem. It was just formatting. Nothing great. But to her, obviously, it meant that the book was starting to come to life.

*

We proceeded with caution. Melissa's story involves self-harm. Lots of it, or thoughts of it. She chose to share details with me that would not go into the book.
   Why not? I had questions. Background information was important. We couldn't have unresolved matters hovering over the book. For that reason, she very generously shared...
   And because she did, I saw ways to edit around certain legal issues. We went back in and added one or two pieces of detail whenever I didn't understand the meaning behind a comment.
   It's important to kill off the cryptic, in non-fiction. This is no murder mystery.

*

Technology deserted us. Files wouldn't transfer. She resorted to sending a photo of herself dressed as a pirate, to see if I could receive files.
   Internet piracy? I suppose.
   Melissa asked many questions. Often my answers fell into the technical category, as I had the pleasure of explaining why Amazon doesn't do things this way, or that, way, or any old way.
   Those of you who self-publish will know the rule by heart. Everything is three times more difficult than need be.

*

Scraping indelible code from transferred data, I wondered why everything in self-publishing had to be three times more difficult than need be.
   Obviously, if that weren't the case, why, all would be four times more difficult. Glad I could clear that up for you.


*

Things are going well. Not rapidly. Melissa's fans, looking for a cheaper more accessible book, will have to wait. The diary entry is dropped in place...
   I work on it, checking for typos, formatting glitches, continuity errors, legal issues, and lint. Always check writing for lint. Don't let lint catch you unawares. Or aware, come to that.
   Don't let lint catch you. Catch lint first.
   This is not a tale of the Zombie Apocalypse. You can excuse fiction in ways that non-fiction can't abide. And I am not editing fiction. I am crawling across a minefield.
   For there is a duty of care here that extends beyond assisting Melissa. Her audience consists of self-harmers past and present, and the point of her book is to help readers.
   You don't really set out to do that for anyone interested in a Zombie Apocalypse. Fiction? Nothing to declare. Fact? I have the documents right here, officer.

Images of Melissa used by kind persimmons, copyright 2014. That is, if I can prevent the keyboard from typing 1994. Luckily, I edited that.